Amy, a high school junior, reacts to her friend’s facetious suggestion that his orthodontist grandfather should marry her ornithologist grandmother.
(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)
Why does this ornery orthodontist have to marry this unorthodox ornithologist? Why can’t they just have their separate little worlds, and go their separate little ways? I mean, if she’s so unorthodox, I don’t think she’d want to get married, and especially not to a guy who looks into people’s mouths all day. I suppose I could see it if she wanted to be a veterinarian. At least animals have teeth, but what about birds? People don’t just say scarce as hen’s teeth for nothing. Beaks, that’s all she’d be able to bring up once he started going on and on about molars and eyeteeth and bicuspids and canines and all the ways he’s going to fix some kid’s crooked bite. Birds don’t bite, they peck. End of story. Face it, guys, that marriage wouldn’t last five minutes. They’d have nothing in common.