from Herby Alice Counts Down to Yesterday by Nicole B. Adkins

Genre: Comedy

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Clarissa, early to mid teens, is the lead reporter of the school newspaper and the portrait of perfection.  She speaks to aspiring reporter Rose, who is not nearly as popular.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


Get this on camera, please. I want a witness.
I’m not going to have the Times Daily Tribune Broadcast Blog and Live Journal Television and Interweb look like a bunch of yahoos. The media makes the story, Rose. Just like the historian writes the history. And let me be frank with you: the viewers make the ratings.
Besides, we have to please the Powers-that-Be. The higher-ups. I promised. And I don’t break my promises.
Do you?
Good. Now, about the interview. Let’s talk about portrayal. You know that our viewers have certain expectations. Disappointing our viewers equals bad. Happy viewers equals good. Laughing at others makes the viewers feel better about themselves, and gives them a united purpose...thus bringing the community together and equaling happy viewers. Happy viewers equal happy executives. Happy executives means happy Clarissa. Which means Rose gets to be somebody. And isn’t that what you want? What you’ve been working toward?
Go get me that interview. And it better be splashy.