Dodge, a young elf, hides in a pet store. While in the play, Dodge is a female, this monologue is suitable for actors of either gender.
(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)
This is the last place anyone would think to look since everyone knows that Elves are afraid of dogs and cats, snakes and rats, parrots...rabbits...box turtles...owls and
(A monkey chatters)
long tailed monkeys. I can’t believe I’ve started a war. All I wanted was a good sleep. Now my friends will get clouted, either they or the Gnomes routed, and I must stay hidden until I can dream up a lie to explain my absence.
(A cat hisses, Dodge cringes.)
This is unbearable...oh, elves also fear bears...I shan’t close my eyes a blink until this affair is resolved....Wolves, they scare elves also...I could say that I’d gotten away but they’ll capture a spy and he will deny my tale...Whales set most elves to flight...I might convince the clan that I’d run afoul of man...All manner of fowl afright us, turkey, chicken, geese...Yes, I was caught by a man who mistook me for a wee Leprechaun. He demanded gold and so I was forced to surrender the paints or go join the blessed saints...Haints, haunts, ghosts and ghoulies send elves nearly bonkers with fright...But besides those few things we fear nothing at all except snails when they are large and white moths at night. Oh, here come Snoop, Holmstead and Swallow.
(Dodge hides behind a bird cage.)