from Spinning by Jonathan Dorf

Genre: Comedy, Dramedy

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Morgan, teen sign spinner, comes clean about their academic shortcomings and fear of not getting into college.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


Fine. You want to know? I'm not a Quiz Bowler. I was—until I became the first co-captain in team history to be removed after a no-confidence vote.

My GPA is crumbling—last week it slipped to 3.97.

As a junior, it's too late to rise to a leadership position in an established school-sanctioned organization, sports team management is most definitely not a match for my skill set, and by the time I applied, every other internship was taken. But I don't need your pity: By the time I'm through, this internship is going to be the centerpiece of my college applications.


I can't spin a sign to save my life.


Aren't you going to say something?

I can see next year's senior superlatives: "Most Likely to Be Shut Out of Every Remotely Non-Embarrassing College Choice and Be Consigned to Community College with the People Who Never Studied At All." No offense.

Now you can understand why I was the first Quiz Bowl co-captain to be dumped mid-meet.

They called security and had me escorted offstage. I didn't even know we had security.


I'm probably hopeless.