Monologue: Randy from Love (Awkwardly) (full-length version)

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Randy, a high school junior, has been kissing Laura - not his girlfriend - on a bench in the park.

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RANDY

Look. I know what you’re thinking. But I’m not that guy. This isn’t who I really am. I know this looks bad.
(He looks at Laura.)
Really bad. I didn’t mean for it to happen...This...Us. It just...
(Pause.)
did. Anything I say to you is going to make me seem superficial and shallow. Sometimes I think I am. A lot of times I think I don’t deserve this. Okay, okay - I know I don’t deserve it. I’m a schmuck. A user. A coward. I keep pretending like I can do this and no one will ever get hurt. Some sick and twisted part of me truly believes that if we could all be honest and open with how we feel that everyone would be much happier. Why can’t I love two people? Why do I have to choose? Isn’t there enough love in me to go around? There is. I know there is. I feel so guilty. You’d think my guilt would destroy my passion, wouldn’t you? Trust me - it doesn’t. She’s so hot. No, not like that. That makes me sound like a real superficial jerk. I know what you’re thinking, “That’s right - he’s a real superficial jerk.” I am. I’m not. There’s feelings inside of me that I can’t label. Maybe I’m emotionally retarded. Maybe I’m afraid. But I want to be with both of them. And not together. Like I could cut myself in two - one half with Charlotte and one with Laura. I know you think I’m a jerk and a horrible human being. But this isn’t me. This has become my idea of normal: sneaking around, deleting my texts as soon as they come in. Last week Charlotte went to grab my phone - she was just fooling around. But I knew there were a bunch of texts from Laura. And they were...uh...pretty incriminating. Charlotte kept going after my phone. I didn’t want her to see it, didn’t want her to find out that way. So I dropped it in the sink. My new $200 phone, floating in a bowl of soapy water because I’m such a coward. But you know the worst part? I was so mad at myself for everything, so pissed at my stupidity, that I let Charlotte believe it was her fault. She was so upset she gave me half the money for it. What am I supposed to do with that? There’s $100 sitting in my sock drawer. How can I spend it?