Leo and Ryan, waiting at their bus stop, discuss philosophy and Ryan's upcoming date with a gluten-free mystery girl. And then the girl in question, April, enters.

(Warning: Using this scene without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

LEO: OK, Descartes concluded that he knew, absolutely, that he existed...and that's all. But philosophers like G.E. Moore pointed out that Descartes was basically saying "no one can know the existence of anyone but themselves," and Moore said who was "no one" if not other people? So other people must...

(He notices that Ryan is staring into space.)

Ryan?

RYAN: Do you think they have gluten-free food at the carnival?

LEO: What?

RYAN: The carnival. This weekend. Do you think they have gluten-free food?

LEO: You know, I'm getting the weirdest feeling you still weren't listening.

RYAN: C'mon, this is serious. Do you think they have a stand, or like a food truck, with gluten-free food?

LEO: Why on Earth do you...you're not allergic to gluten!

RYAN: Well, no.

LEO: I didn't even know you were going to the carnival. Are you going with a friend who's allergic to gluten?

RYAN: Well, I mean, no. Not—

LEO: Oh my Lord, you have a date.

RYAN: No. No, that's not—I don't.

LEO: Oh, I could cry! Look at you! They grow up so fast.

RYAN: I don't have a date.

LEO: Well, then you want a date. I have a hard time believing that you're just expressing concern for the gluten-free carnival enthusiasts of the Tri-State Area. So who is it?

RYAN: Forget I asked.

LEO: Hmmm...nope, not gonna do that.

RYAN: Leo.

LEO: Oh, throw me a bone here! I get so little of the gossip, being—you know—a pariah.

RYAN: You're not a pariah.

LEO: You're sweet. Who's the gal?

RYAN: Please, Leo.

LEO: Or guy! Love is blind and all.

RYAN: It's a girl.

LEO: Oh, sure, he'll rise to that bait.

RYAN: This conversation is over.

LEO: Uh huh. I'm gonna find out who your mysterious celiac crush is, you know. I'm like Sherlock Holmes over here. Nothing gets by me.

RYAN: You are in no way like Sherlock Holmes.

LEO: I am too! I observe. I reflect. And then I deduce. Razor-sharp perception.

RYAN: Your fly's open.

LEO: Thank you.

(He zips it up.)

Fine, then, if you won't tell me...back to philosophy. I believe I was discussing Moore?

RYAN: And I was wishing you'd discuss less.

(Enter April, with backpack. She is outgoing and happy to be alive.)

APRIL: Hi, boys. Who finished their history project?

RYAN: (Groans.) I'm like halfway done. I still have to make a PowerPoint about Julius Caesar and his accomplishments.

(April sits down.)

APRIL: What are his accomplishments?

(Beat.)

RYAN: Maybe less than halfway done.

APRIL: I don't know anything about my guy, yet, either. Haven't even started.

LEO: Would it put a damper on this little pity party if I said I'm finished?

RYAN: Yes.

APRIL: Ugh. Lucky.

LEO: I really can't see how luck has anything to do with it.

APRIL: You were born with a good work ethic. That's lucky.

LEO: John Locke would say that you aren't born with any qualities.

RYAN: And we're off...

LEO: He would say that you acquire all your personality traits after birth, as a result of your experiences.

RYAN: He would but he can't, because he's dead and irrelevant.

(April pulls out a bag of carrots and starts eating.)

Carrots?

APRIL: Mom woke me up late again. Didn't have time for breakfast. So...carrots.

LEO: (Looks through his backpack:) Oh, April, I think I have an oatmeal bar in here somewhere. You want that? Can't have you living like a rabbit here.

APRIL: Wish I could, but oatmeal has oats in it.

LEO: Well, yes.

APRIL: I'm gluten intolerant.

LEO: (Slaps a hand to his cheek.) Really? Well, I'll be. I never knew that.

APRIL: I kinda avoid mentioning it. But I thought you knew, actually. I mean, how long have we known each other? Middle school?

LEO: Elementary... (He turns to Ryan:) my dear Watson.

RYAN: (Groans.) Let's move on.

LEO: This is interesting! You learn new things every day! Right, Ryan?

RYAN: As long as you're alive you do.

APRIL: You boys alright?

LEO & RYAN: (Leo cheerfully; Ryan bitterly:) Yep!