Jim, King, Duke and Huck

from HKFN: The Abbreviated Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (one-act version) by Jeff Goode

Genre: Comedy
Cast Breakdown: 2 females, 2 males

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The actors playing Jim, King, Duke and Huck in a school production of Huck Finn have rebelled and are starting their own play.

(Warning: Using this scene without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

JIM: We don't have to go back. We can run off and start our own play!

(Enter the Girls who played Miss Watson and Widow Douglas as themselves. But we shall call them KING and DUKE. They've got a box of props, or maybe a steamer trunk.)

KING: Hey, are you guys really quitting?

DUKE: We wanna quit, too.

HUCK: Why are YOU quitting?

KING: She's being all bossy and won't let us do anything fun.

DUKE: Yeah, there's too many rules. Who put her in charge?

JIM: We're gonna start our own show so we can do whatever we want.

KING: That's awesome!

DUKE: Look, we stole a bunch of props.

(She opens the trunk.)

HUCK: Guys, you have to put those back.

KING: We've got wigs and costumes.

DUKE: And there's pillows. We could make a fat suit!

KING: I've always wanted to do Romeo and Juliet. (Shakespeareanly:) O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

DUKE: (As Romeo, groping in darkness:) Juliet, is that you? I can hear you, but I can't see you. It's too dark in this jungle.

JIM: I think it's a garden.

KING: (As Juliet:) Set a pillow on fire and use it to light the way!

HUCK: No! No fire!

KING: (As Juliet:) Over here, Romeo! By yonder breaking window. It is the east and I'm the setting sun.

JIM: East is the rising sun, I think.

(Duke stuffs pillows under her shirt to make a fat suit)

DUKE: I've always wanted to play Hamlet, the Duke of Denmark. (As Hamlet:) To be or not to be! That is the bare bodkin! Ho ho ho!

KING: Ha! If you're the Duke of Denmark, I'm Martin Luther King.

DUKE: If you say so. (Bowing to King:) Your Majesty.

KING: (Bowing to Duke:) Your Majesty.

JIM: Can I be something?

DUKE: (Regally:) Of course, you can, my good fellow! Anything you want. It's a free country, after all.

JIM: I wanna be a robot!

(Jim robots around.)

KING: Ooh! I've always wanted a robot servant!

DUKE: (Regally:) You there! Android! Fetch His Majesty's luggage from the carriage.

JIM: (Offended:) Fetch your what?

DUKE: (Regally:) And mine, too! A duke should not have to carry his own stolen goods. Ho ho ho!

JIM: I'm not fetchin' nothin'. This is worse than when we were in a real play.

KING: We should plan a heist!

DUKE: We'll need disguises.

(Hands Huck a wig.)

Here, put this on.

HUCK: Why?

DUKE: You're a female spy sent to infiltrate the Antebellum South before the Civil War.

HUCK: No, thank you.

KING: (To Duke:) What are you talking about? He can't be a female spy.

DUKE: How come?

KING: Because there's no such thing. They're called spies. "Female spy" is like calling someone a...male fireman.

JIM: Fireperson.

KING: It's offensive.

DUKE: Right. Sorry. I forgot.

HUCK: I don't want to be a female spy anyway.

DUKE: (Covering her ears, offended:) You're not! Stop saying that word!

KING: I know! You could be a poor little orphan girl.

DUKE: Whose parents have died suddenly and tragically!

KING: Leaving all of their riches to you!!

JIM: So more of a rich little poor little orphan girl.

HUCK: What riches?

DUKE: I dunno. How much have you got on you?

HUCK: (Looking in his pockets:) Six dollars and a cell phone.

DUKE: (Snatching the money:) Six dollars!?!

KING: (Snatching the phone:) And a magic snuff box!?!

DUKE: Do you know what we could buy with this?!

KING: In the 1800s? You could buy a horse.

DUKE: We could buy SIX horses!

KING: And I could call the future and find out which horse to bet on! (On the phone:) Hello? Kentucky Derby? This is the King of France. I need to know who wins the Triple Crown next year.

HUCK: (Snatching back his phone:) All right, give me that! It's my money. You're not spending it on time-traveling horses.

KING: Ah, but what if I told you that secretly, I am your long lost uncle William from England. Pip pip! Cheerio! And in his will, your father left us all six of his dollars to split between us. (Melodramatically:) Oh my poor dead brother! How could this tragically have happened? (Splitting the money:) Three for you and three for me.

DUKE: And I'm your other uncle. Harvey. From Harvard. And I want a cut, too!

(She grabs a dollar from each of them.)

(Melodramatically:) Oh my poor dead sister! Curse the day that she ever set foot on that ill-fated riverboat!

HUCK: Give me back my money!