Mary and Catherine

from Golden Ladder by Donna Spector

Genre: Dramedy
Cast Breakdown: 2 females

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In 1950s California, Young teens Mary and Catherine talk about the things they've heard about boys and sex.

(Warning: Using this scene without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

MARY: (As they walk along:) I'm getting braces next week.
CATHERINE: What for?

MARY: My teeth are crooked.  See?

(She flashes her teeth.)

CATHERINE: They don't look so bad.

MARY: Everyone's gonna call me metal mouth.

(They sit together, facing audience.)

I brought some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Y'know, it's one of the last times I'm gonna eat peanut butter for the next few years.

(She pulls them out of her bag, gives one to Catherine.  They eat and talk.)

CATHERINE: I shouldn't eat peanut butter.  I've got fat legs.

MARY: They're not fat.

CATHERINE: They're not thin like your legs.

MARY: Mine are skinny.  Nobody likes skinny legs.


MARY: I'm skinny all over.  I don't even have to like wear a bra.  Not like you, y'know.

CATHERINE: I hate my bra.  It feels like I can't breathe when I wear it.  Remember how Joe Arnold used to come up behind me in the cafeteria and snap my strap?

MARY: He's a jerk.

CATHERINE: He's popular.

MARY: Most popular guys are jerks.  Would you kiss a guy like Joe Arnold?

CATHERINE: Oh, gross!

MARY: Y'know, I heard he French kissed Francine Shacklin.

CATHERINE: Francine?  She wouldn't.

MARY: I don't know.  She's Jewish.

CATHERINE: What do you mean?

MARY: You know what they say about Jewish girls.


MARY: They're all fast.  By the time they're fourteen they usually go all the way.

CATHERINE: No, they don't!  That's terrible to say.

MARY: They can't help it.  They've got like extra hormones or something.

CATHERINE: This sandwich tastes terrible.

MARY: What's the matter with it?

CATHERINE: There's too much jelly.  It's making me sick.

MARY: I'll finish it.  Hey, look at those Ramsey boys.  Would you believe they're twins?


MARY: They're so cute!  They're looking at you.  I wish I had, y'know... (Looking at Catherine's breasts:) ...what you have.  It's gonna take years for boys to look at me.

CATHERINE: Do Jewish girls really have extra hormones?

MARY: Yeah.  I read it in Seventeen, I think.

CATHERINE: What if you're sort of Jewish, but not really Jewish?

MARY: You can't be sort of Jewish.

CATHERINE: Well, I knew this girl once who had one parent who was born Jewish but he quit because he became an atheist.

MARY: Boy, is that screwed up!  Do I know this girl?

CATHERINE: No, I met her when we went to Lake Tahoe for vacation.  But now, y'know, it makes me think.  Did she have extra hormones?

MARY: Sure.  Maybe not as many.  I mean, maybe she wouldn't go all the way till she was fifteen.  But you never know.

CATHERINE: What about Jewish boys?

MARY: Oh, they're the worst.  They go all the way by the time they're ten.  Like Aaron Feldman?

CATHERINE: Who's he?

MARY: That tall, thin kid in tenth grade who wears glasses and has really green eyes?  He made a speech last year in assembly about some Jewish holiday.

CATHERINE: Yeah, I remember him.

MARY: Lisa Clark told me he slept with ten girls already.

CATHERINE: Ten?  That's more than, uh, two a year.  If he started when he was ten.

MARY: Yeah.  And he looks so boring.  I heard he's so smart he takes math at Cal Tech.  So you never know.  (Beat.) Hey, maybe we should go swimming in the high school pool?  There might be more boys over there.

CATHERINE: I don't feel like it.  Boys bore me.

MARY: Hunh.  Well, okay.  I'm gonna go anyway.  See you later.